One fine day she asked me what makes me so sure I wanted to be a MSM. A few messages later I think we were both frustrated with the replies we gave each other. What is it that fuels my desire to be what I want to be?

Today, I hit the highest sales target in my tenure at the bank. Maybe set a record in the department itself.. I'm not sure but it sure felt good! :) Messaged her to let her know... guess what? "You think I believe u?" Well, can't blame her for that, after all she's enjoying a holiday somewhere right now - she wouldn't be convinced.

The feeling of sales achieved is really great. The 'high' that I get from getting sales in my job is what drives me more and more furiously each day. Frankly speaking going out,clubbing and stuff no longer satisfies the need that I crave for right now - success and satisfaction I get from acquiring sales.

That's probably why I want to switch department to join mortgage. If getting sales of tens of thousands each day makes me feel the way I felt today, imagine the next higher level whereby I'll be dealing in hundreds of thousands and millions?

I was sort of demoralised by my manager who gave us a review of our directions in the coming future yesterday. Apparently the gist of what I interpreted his reviews was that in order to make it in MSM, qualification-wise I was insufficient and it takes much more than just qualifications to become a MSM. Basically I fucked the qualification part and I dun even need to talk about the rest. Overall feeling I get is that he won't be that keen to push me up. I felt I'm again short-changed on what I thought I'll be getting. AND THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME! What happened to the belief that experience counts more than qualification? Or capability? Somehow topping the scales in cross-selling efforts and being in the upper cohort of the sales figures consistently don't really count? Are we looking at pure performance and track figures now or some other issues that don't even matter in this aspect?

The normal keep-sensitive-things-to-himself me told a few that I won't be renewing my contract - no matter what. With no clear path for the next one year, I see no reason to. I'll see what I can to secure an interview at least for the MSM position - with or without help. Some have said I can fit into the role of MSM(true or just nice words) but most importantly is my own self-confidence. That I dare say I do not lack of.

I have a relatively secure plan B - one that might even promise me better remuneration than a MSM if I do it properly. So nothing's gonna stop me. Not even scorns and remarks from others. So what if I'm don't have qualification?